Make Memories, Forget the Stress

Hello Friends!

I sit here tonight and blog while sitting by Christmas tree (that suddenly has many gifts under it!) with Miracle on 34th Street (the remake) playing in the background on tv, while I procrastinate addressing our Christmas cards.  Procrastination - yeah - it's still with me even though my college years are behind me.  :)  I wanted to take a few moments to wish you all a Merry Christmas - I have a feeling that in a blink of an eye Christmas will be here.  How is it possible that it's only a week away?!?

Lately, I've been burning the candle at both ends.  I have a tendency to ignore the fact that I'm not feeling that well and that I'll just power through it.  If I ignore it, it will go away, right?  Unfortunately, that's not working out so well for me these days.  I want to be a go-getter though and so I find it hard to tell myself to stop, to say no more today, to say enough is enough for now.  Because of all of this I am very much looking forward to the holidays.  I cannot wait to wear my pajamas past 7:00am, to have slippers on, not heels (not that I wear those so much anymore), and to be surrounded by family.  If you can't be yourself with family, then who can you be yourself with?  They've seen me through the good, the bad, and the ugly and so if I'm not feeling 100% I can be okay with letting my guard down.  And honestly, when you're not feeling good, who doesn't love going home to have their mom take care of them? ;)

I'm not sure where I intended to go with this post…other than to say I'm sorry to those who I may complain to.  I'm sure you're tired of hearing how tired I am all of the time.  Thank you for taking the time to listen when I vent.  If I suddenly have to cancel plans we've made or if I politely decline an invitation to an event please don't take it personally.  Please know that I'd rather be with you, doing whatever it is we may have planned, but that for the sake of my health I cannot.  I am trying really hard to get back to 100% but I'm just not there yet.

I am thankful though for my wonderful life.  I am so lucky to have such an amazing family and such a great love!  As the holidays roll around I am also very thankful for such fantastic childhood Christmas memories.  I love Christmas and that is absolutely because my Grandpa made it so special when I was growing up.  And a huge shout out to my parents too!  They were sneaky for a lot of years traveling from Nebraska to Minnesota.  Never once did I have to question, "how would Santa find me in Minnesota if I lived in Nebraska?"  My Grandpa dressed as Santa and always made the holiday so special.  I remember many Christmas Eve services at his church, Oak Grove Lutheran Church.  I remember the chills that the service could give you.  I remember the Christmas meal of ham, with pineapple and cherries pinned onto it.  You see, my Grandpa was Christmas to me…and he still is.  I still see him in my mind.  I still have ornaments from his tree that now adorn my tree.  He's still here, everywhere, especially at Christmastime.  I see him in every Santa I see…every figurine I walk by in a store…every Christmas movie I watch.  And so I may be exhausted, I may not feel my best, but you can bet I am excited for the magic of Christmas.  I know that Christmas is much more than Santa - there is a true reason to the season.  For me though, Santa connects me to memories from years in the past and to my guardian angel up above.

Merry Christmas to all my friends and family!  I hope your holidays are spectacular!  If you're traveling - I hope that the weather allows for safe travels and that you'll be able to spend time with those you hold dear.  My wish is that you get time to relax, to love, to appreciate, to soak in the magic of the season.  Don't dwell on the stress that life can throw your way.  In 20 years the memories will matter - not the stress of the day.  


"We invite you to ask yourself this one simple question: Do you believe in Santa Clause?" -Miracle on 34th Street

It's been a while...

Wow, it's been a while…okay a few years…since I've last posted.  I guess the only thing I can truthfully say is that I've felt great and life really took off for me over the past few years.  Recently though, I got to thinking, that just because I feel great doesn't mean I shouldn't blog about my journey as a Crohnie.  You take the bad and the good - unfortunately, I tend to dwell on the bad where this disease is concerned.  Lately though, I've been LIVING…I mean really LIVING life, every day, every moment, every second where I feel good I have learned to embrace and cherish.

Since my last blog post so much has happened!  I've met the love of my life, Josh, and we'll be getting married in July.  Thanks match.com!  We have a wonderful, big, puppy - Robbie - our one year old Newfoundland.  The three of us, we make a family…and I am so excited for our future.  I think that meeting Josh helped my Crohn's in ways I never dreamed it would.  All of a sudden I had someone who helped me live a healthier lifestyle and who was there for me at the end of the day.  Don't get me wrong - I still get sick, I mean, after all, I do have a lifelong sentence with Crohn's Disease…but the bad days became fewer than they once had been after I met Josh.  The last flare up I had was over two years ago - I've been off Entocort for two years now.

Within the last few months though, the bad days have come back more often than I'd like them to.  I want to keep myself in check but I also don't want to stop really living.  I am learning the importance of a work-life balance and how precious weekends are.  I've had to adjust lately - I can't burn the candle at both ends anymore…my weekends need to be protected.  My number one priority on weekends and most evenings has got to be recharging myself to get through the next day.  Every day…I pray that I'm not teetering on the edge of a flare up - because who wants to have to deal with Entocort while trying to lose the initial Entocort weight in preparation for a wedding?

One last thought of the day - I'm exhausted and some days I am simply tired of being strong.  I'm tired of making excuses for why I can't go somewhere and I'm tired of being tired…but that's not something Crohnie's like to advertise.  Adjusting your life to fit your Crohn's Disease but not wanting to appear helpless.  It's a tricky battle, this fight against Crohn's.  I know it can be hard for people to understand how it's possible for me to be THAT tired or that sick THAT often…because I don't look sick.  Another life lesson I've learned - sick doesn't always LOOK sick.  As I sit here by my Christmas tree and write this blog, my wish for this Christmas season is for all of us suffering invisible illnesses - that we are able to find compassion in every path we cross.  And if not, we are able to hold onto the strength and the encouragement of those in our support system, those constantly by our sides, whispering daily, "don't worry, you've got this."  

Thank you to my support system - it keeps growing and I am so grateful and blessed.  I may not have a cure, but I will always have strength to keep up the fight.  You've been amazing - every step of the way.

Well - what an incredibly random post - but I had quite a bit on my mind in regards to Crohn's.  It's Crohn's and Colitis Awareness week and so maybe that's it.  Or maybe it's because my heart hurts for those suffering from these awful diseases right now.  Or maybe it's because I will always have hope that we'll see a cure.